Fifa '13 - The Crack-pipe of Video Games

 
Is it a Fifa ting doe? Would you enjoy a match on Fifa 13?

Come we bang fifa fam.  -  I believe we should have a group session on Fifa 13, sustained for a minimum of several hours

Where's my apology boss?   -   [Convention where a loss by 5 goals results in the defeated party tendering an apology to the victor's facebook]

I'm dirty with Barca, you're kinda swag styl.  -  My skills at using Barcelona FC are vastly superior to your own.

Goal?! You snaked it with dat jew goal.  -  You resorted to underhand, morally repugnant tactics to attain the aforementioned goal. I am displeased.

Craig fully backed Fifa last night.  Craig L. James chose to forgo sleep in order to dedicate a night to pursuing an Online Season on Fifa 13.

Yes, I am studying for a BA in Literature specialising in 20th Century American studies.Yes, I am in my final year at University. Yes, I am 20 years old. However, when it comes to the enigma of a video game that is Fifa 13 I am just as guilty of rejecting adult life and settling in to 'bang Fifa' as the people responsible for the quotations above. It seems odd that a group of 20-something year olds should commit so eagerly to the subcultural phenomenon that is Fifa 13. These niggles about my favourite game became apparent to me after a friend who had previously been a fan of the franchise began mocking the tendency at the University to be so devoted to Fifa. Despite my reservations about the game and its fan's obsessive tendencies I am certainly in no position to point the finger.

On the day Fifa 13 was released I had to have it in my hands - the thought of those brand new copies of Fifa waiting to be purchased by those less deserving than myself is how I'd imagine a crackhead to feel upon realising he has left his stash on the 468 bus, seeing it slowly disappear over the horizon. As my  research informed me that the best price on launch day was at Sainsburys, I hurriedly called my father who I knew was in the aforementioned supermarket shopping. As the call went straight to answer-machine I realised that it's impossible to get signal in the Crystal Palace Sainsburys, and so it would be impossible to get him on his mobile - I needed another means of contact. Such was my desperation to have the game that I hurriedly called the store's general enquiries number and got them to make an announcement that I needed to speak to my dad 'urgently'. When my dad arrived on the phone, concerned about what this urgent matter could be, I calmly asked him to buy me the game. In the end I did get Fifa on launch day - I paid £34.99 for the game itself, 20p for the 0800-call and  an immeasurable amount of dignity. This anecdote hopefully conveys the hold the video game has over its clientele.

There's just something about the whole Fifa franchise- the perfectly poised controls, ever improving graphics and the social element of wanting to humiliate your friends. You can never be mocked for playing too much as with any other video game - play 8 hours on World of Warcraft and you're a social recluse, stay up all night with the boys 'banging' Fifa and you're a social dynamo. It is essentially a cult which has its followers incapable of resisting its allure, charging £34.99-£39.99 per annum for entry. No matter how shoddy a game EA produces they can rest assured that we - the mindless, undiscerning masses - will happily pay our fee year-in-year-out:
"Is the oddly unreliable first touch mechanic really an improvement this year? Does having a player with such speed really count for so little this year? Why can I still go online playing as Real Madrid to find that the match making system has put me up against someone else using Madrid? Fuck it, just take my money already."
                                                       -  Me, Sam Heard, Aged 20 & 1/2

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